Thursday, December 4 - Unrequited Love

Neckbeard

 

    Some love was never, and should, never mean to be. A man with a sense of social rejection, and a woman, drawn in a computer programs in sequencing images to give the illusion of motion, with a person in a booth reading lines as the voice. Tears stream into his flavor savor as he eats his nightly dinner, across from a computer screen displaying his beloved.

 



Friday, November 21 - Ekphrasis

A man walked on a bridge

singing away his emotional baggage.

"Here I go again on my own

down this lonely road I'll never know"

Suddenly he stops,

the sun followed close behind him peeking over the mountains.

"Surprise!"

He was never alone,

and he knew the road all along.

To read more on The Scream

Monday, November 17 - Found Poem

I work with the what I'm given: The Poem

 

 

The Bachelor

TV show

"Jess, unzip the dress"

"You should totally get implants"
"fun"

Thusday, November 13 - Macabre

Boy am I jealous of those party animals. They partied so hard they done partied their clothes off. Now THAT is the kind of social environment I'm in to. Look, a mother is so into her party lifestyle that she took her party baby, to expose it to the party ways. That one lady has so much party in her that her unborn baby is just eradiating with party energy! I do have but one complaint. Who turned on the lights though? Why would they think that was a good idea? They were obviously partying in the dark and the sudden change from dark to light must have been very jarring.

Wednesday, November 12 - The Haunted House

"Yo, Billy I bet you won't go into the spook house of west street!" called out Jones. Billy had enough of Jones' torment so he retaliated.
"Yes I will just watch me you big nerd!" replied Billy. So at that night, at midnight they met at the old spook house.
"Go in!" Jones taunted. Billy walked up to the spook house. The clouds began a frightening formation and a shadow could be seen in the window. Billy paused.
"What's the matter Billy are you too chicken!" Jones yelled.
"Yeah no I'm not doing that." Billy said.

Billy then walked home and got spanked by his mom for being out too late.

Friday, November 7 - Ewww....that's creepy!

Don't pay it attention
don't may it no mind
don't give it a mention
or glance or look of any kind.

If you let it in
it will invade your life
it will dig you a grave
and fill you with strife.

If you do so to happen
to let it in
it may leave everything broken
and cause a ruckus, but then

if you are so brave
to counteract it's deathly gaze
and refuse the sorry that it gave
and wade through it's foul haze

then the cold embrace
and it's sunken face
will loosen it's grip
and leave to equip

the strength you've been bound with
will release it's grip forthwith
and you will see life's true beauty
and may call yourself truly free

but if the clutches do not let go
and the aid never shows
then for you there will be no doom
and it will seal you to your doom

don't pay it attention
don't may it no mind
don't give it a mention
or glance or look of any kind

Tuesday, October 28 - Mixed Bag

Romantic Espionage 

Mr. Ashe was sitting in his office, going through paper work when there was a knock at the door. "Come in." he called, not knowing of the storm that awaited beyond the door. He looked up and saw a furry, four pawed, furryous storm of anger and mistrust that is Scooby Doo. His jaw dropped.

"Ru-ro."

"Ri rought rou rere retter ran ris. (I thought you were better than this.)" Scooby Doo yelled.
"Honey what's the problem?" Mr. Ashe asked. Fearing his plan of romantic espionage has been foiled, he decided to play dumb until he knew for sure he'd been caught red handed.
"Ri row rat rou've reen rup ro ren rou're 'Rorking rate'. (I know what you've been up to when you're 'Working late'.)," Scooby said, making air quotations with his paws around 'Working late'. "Rou've rurt re rour re rast rime, rood rye Rister Rashe. (You've hurt me for the last time, good bye Mr. Ashe.)" Scooby stormed out of the room and slammed the door, causing papers to fly everywhere.

Mr. Ashe layed his head on his desk in self disappointment. He was frustrated at himself for defiling his relationship with Scooby and ruining the trust between them. There was no doubt that his stuff has been thrown out of the apartment window onto the sidewalk, and there was no way that his tires were not slashed. Yet something inside him was glad the bridge between them was burned. Scooby's ambition of mystery solving has put strain on their relationship, and even though he knew all of the gang, Velma was still very threatening to him. Maybe the two will recover, and Mr. Ashe can strap in and get his learn on about the experience.

Monday, October 27 - Fairy Tale Name Poem

Fairy Tail That I Identify With

S    Solitary
H    Heroic
R    Responsible
E    Extremely handsome
K    Karate master

Friday, October 24 - X Marks the Spot

Yar Har Fliddle Deedee

    There I was, me, Colonel Mustard, me matey Schmity, and Captain Crunch, where sailing the seven sees, searching for the buried treasure shown on this treasure map, we got our eyes peeled towards land.

    "Land ho!" shouts Schmity, good eye Schmity.
    "To land!" yells Captain Crunch, as we set sail towards the mysterious island. "Yar, the treasure be buried under a plug in ocean!" yells again Captain crunch. We made our way through the torturous surf to the location. There we were right on top of it.
    "Honey get out of the bath you're a 35 year old man that plays with a rubber ducky and screams about pirates go get a job." I here my mom yell from the other room.
    "Yar." I say as I go for the treasure, pull the plug, and the drain the water.

Thursday, October 23 - That's punny!

 

Skeleton Puns

 

 

Two skeletons are at a party, when one spills the other one's drink by bumping into them.

 

"Hey bro watch where you're going bonehead!" one of them yells, throwing the first punch.

 

"Man aren't you one boneafide loud mouth." the other one quickly retorts. The crowd gasps.

 

"Why don't you keep talking trash you spineless nerd." That one really stung. The other skeleton rolled up his sleeves but not really because he wasn't wearing any clothes because he's a skeleton he just made the motion.

 

"I see right through you. You can't get under my skin. You think you're being humourous but you're not. Now I'm going home to skullk because I don't have the stomach for you're behavior." He walked out and slammed the door. The skeleton stood there in shock. His ghost pal came over and gave him a hug to lift his spirits.

Tuesday, October 21 - Deja Vu

DejaTu

    Caroline studied the old man carefully. She couldn't quite put her finger on it, but something about him reminded her of some one else. But who? There must have been somebody she new behind the strange face of that old man, however she couldn't grasp it. It was there just out of reach she had the correct syllables and the first letter but the missing pieces of the puzzle were not there. "Think," she told herself "who else has a nose ring like that, and has a dew rag on his head so delicately as this." She found herself frustrated and left the coffee shop she was sat in, and forgot about this.

    However this old man had caught on to her perplexed glances. "Man maybe it's time I told everyone the truth." he muttered to himself. He knew that things could never go back the way they were, so he put away his pen and poetry journal, took one last sip of his coffee, and vacated the store.

Thursday, October 16 - RAIN

Rain

     I couldn't live without the rain. Well literally because it's necessary for life on land, but also in that way where if it were to stop raining life just wouldn't be the same. I absolutely cannot get enough of rainy and stormy weather. There's something oddly inviting about it, something that's almost like a comforting entity that is always there. There's nothing I enjoy more than listening to low energy orchestral music, or piano music, with the pitter patter of the rain is filling the room with a cozy ambience. There is also something strangely beautiful about the sky, the way the different shades of grey arrange themselves in the sky, it's foreboding at first, but once it begins to rain, the foreboding becomes welcoming. I'm happiest when it rains.

Wednesday, October 15 - I remember when...

I remember when

I remember when the grass was greener
and the fun that was shared couldn't be cleaner
than the pink sunrise
and the dew of the grass
that there was nothing that it couldn't surpass.

I remember when the sky was just a bluer
and it just couldn't be truer
how these trees of green
red roses too
could not match the beautiful shade of you.

Friday, October 10 - Pet Peeve

Lazy Song Writing

    I absolutely con not stand lazy writing when it comes to music, it absolutely infuriates me. I'm tired of hearing the same song over and over again with the same chord progress, different lyrics, and a different singer. I can't hear "Let it Go" without also hearing Katy Perry's "Fireworks" because they are the same exact song. It would be fine and dandy if these people weren't being paid millions of dollars and seen as shining examples of music writing when it's all the same, lazily written, verse, chorus, verse, pre chorus, chorus, more chorus with the emphasis on writing a catchy tune to sell than actual artistic expression of thought and emotion.

    The lyrics are god awful too. The subject doesn't matter to me as much as some other people, but I squirm in my seat after hearing Iggy Azalea rhyme "you" with "you" four times in a row, or listen to some rando rapper going so far off topic the hook and title of the song cease to mean anything. I could maybe look over the bland, samey, uninspired instrumentals if the message of the song is at least there. This isn't to say everyone does this, because if everyone did it then I would have nothing to base this pet peeve against. Plenty of musicians have a voice and make interesting and different and exciting music, it just really gets my goat when I hear lazy song writing.

Tuesday, October 7 - The Flip Side

 

Flip Side

I worked hard for weeks
and though I know I am not weak
the nerves got the better of me
and my ability to perform did flee.
The excitement got too much
and has effected such
that I now sit third
in a group three
in which I deserve at least second.

There are so many kids that come through
these doors hoping to play true
to the music I gave them
and they know only one can win.
He came in and played for me
and the bet he could be
that day was the same he was last year
which is way back in the rear.

Monday, October 6 - Persona Poem

 

Shostakovich: A Persona Poem

 

 

 

My music makes people smile

and helps them forget for a little while

that everything is not as good

as Stalin says it should.

One of my works was panned

and now all of my fans

are leaving me high and dry

now I fear I may die.

With this fifth work of mine

I will let my message shine

as clear as day to those who are

being threatened to be forced behind bars

or the artists' loved ones who been taken away

by the black car cars that could come any day.

Yet this will appease my greatest critics

even though it is deadpan, a shtick.



Thursday, October 2 - The Frog Prince

Princess and The Frerg

One fine evening a lovely princess put on her bonnet and clogs; and decided to take a walk by herself through the woods. In her hand she had brought her favorite toy; a golden ball, which she enjoyed throwing into the air and catching.

She gave the ball a particularly good toss this time and failed to catch it, the ball rolled a considerable distance away into a spring. "Dang it!" she yelled, "Of course I would miss and the ball would roll into the spring. Oh well I'm a princess I can just get another one because my dad is the king and has a lot of money." So she kept walking.

As she was about to pass the pond a frog jumped out. "Hey foxy mama give me a kiss!" yelled the frog while making vulgar body gestures. "Oh my god what? A talking frog? What is this?" the princess screamed as her eyes did cartwheels and her jaw did pushups. She could not believe it, she found a man trapped in a frog's body, probably for giving a witch the same treatment he was giving herself.

She ran towards the frog. "Aw yeah baby here we go!" yelled the frog as he leapt at her only to be swatted down to the ground and knocked unconscious. The princess picked him up and made her way to the local market grounds, and gave the frog to a pet vendor, who kept him as his own as he was old and hard of hearing, so he interpreted all of the frog's English speaking as vague "ribbits", and called named him Chives.

The princess then left for her home, where she took a pretty long and satisfying nap, and wrote a flirtatious letter to the hunky prince she had the hots for the ruled the next town over. They later got married happily, and had frog's legs at the reception's dinner.

Fin 

Wednesday, October 1 - Fairy tale characters

Little Red Cap: A Haiku

 

 

 

Who's that girl in red?

She could be in great trouble

if a wolf smells her.

Thursday, September 25 - Biggest Mistake

When Fun Stops Being Fun

    Have you ever been really high off the ground, in mid air, about to fall? I did that once. Never again. The year was 2012 and this was the final few hours of my trip to Alabama to visit family. School was tomorrow so I was anxious to get home and sleep so that the next day I wouldn't be passing out on everything. The whole family was out, my cousins that I still don't know the names of, and my uncles that I also don't know the names of. The social gathering was getting stale as I was extremely uncomfortable with conversation with my extended family. Just then I eyeballed a rope, hanging from a tree branch far above the ground. I leaned to my sister and said "Watch this."

    My father caught wind of this and whispered to his brothers "Watch this." Now with all eyes on me, I decide to sprint towards the rope. A grasped the rope. For a very brief moment I felt like a man. Then it stopped being fun. The rope slipped from my hand as I must have been at least 10 feet off the ground. I plummeted like a rock, straight onto my right leg. This was probably the least fun I've had the whole trip as I was in a great deal of pain, physically and emotionally, as my entire extended family crowded around me laughing, with nobody offering to help me up. Eventually we went home. And my leg hurt for the next month and a half. The only real problem was that I had wellness first period.

Wednesday, September 24 - Endearing Quality

    I love orchestral and classical music, and that has an effect on my personality. Sure, Mozart and Beethoven have made great music, but I'm also a classical musician myself, so I get exposed to more than people who don't go to rehearsals until ten every Monday evening. I feel the way that people like Mahler, Schoenberg, Richard Strauss, Brahms, and yes, Beethoven and Mozart can flood their feelings and emotions and experiences into tones that people play even years after their death. An example being Richard Strauss' "Ein Heldenleben" or "A Heros Life". Each movement in heldenleben depicts different aspects of his life, weather that be himself, his wife, his critics, his struggle to follow his dreams, and his "works for peace" as one movement is titled. I strongly feel that this has made me a more emotionally responsive person, and I think that is the endearing quality I have that makes the friends I have enjoy my personality.

Tuesday, September 23 - Strange Fruit

Dang Girl Look At That Fruit

    Dang girl look at that fruit! I bet you ain't never seen a fruit like this. Dang girl this fruit might be too much for you, just look at that cookies and cream looking filling. I bet you could eat it out of a tub with a shovel and cry with that kind of delicious looking filling. Oh don't even get me started on the skin. It may look girly and pink, but it's actually got the testosterone of eight Vin Diesel's. Yeah baby are you frightened yet. You best not be cause this dang ol fruit is going to rock your world!

Wednesday, September 17 - Alphabet Soup

Sociable Skeleton

Another moonlit night passes by.
Because of his predicament he cannot enjoy these nights.
Caged down bellow the Earth's surface he rests.
Down below he sits to yearn for the nights.
Even though he has no skin or muscle tissue he still wants.
Fore even though he is a skeleton, he still yearns for a night stroll in the moonlight.
Given the chance he would walk around forever.
He would walk around and socialize with the other dead.
I would too if I were him.
Journeying out to relieve him of his loneliness
Kneecaps still without the sensation of walking.
Late night is the worst for skeletons like himself.
More nights pass.
No relief in sight.
Options are very limited for our skeleton friend.
Pause for a moment and reflect on how you are not the skeleton.
Question what is holding you back from being you.
Really strive for the best change in you.
Strive for a change in how people know you.
There's choices you can make in your life and they are always there.
Unless your dead.
Very many people are dead.
While you only have so much time left be you.
Xtraordinary things happen when you step out of your comfort zone.
You have the choice to socialize and he does not.
Zero times will it work if you don't try.

Monday, September 15 - What the Deuce?

   
    Two men stood outside of a bar one cold winter evening. Their breath trailing off as the breeze let it and the moon eyed them from across the sky. "The divorce is official." one says to the other. "The papers were sent in yesterday signed and now I am left with nothing."

    "Hey man cheer up," chimes in the other man, "ya know yeah the divorce sucks and yeah it had to happen the worst possible way but there is so much you have gained from this than you've lost."

    "How can you say that? When she started getting word from her manipulative friend that 'I'm not good enough for her' and 'My brother is a cellist he is much better than him' it took away all of my self esteem and now I know it's true." The moon began to emerge from it's hiding spot to become more visible in the night sky.

    "You gained the experience of dealing with this situation and now you know how to avoid it. I promise you the next fish that you catch will be larger and more beautiful than the fish that got away with your bait could have ever been."

    The men stood in silence, both looking at the ground. The moon revealed itself only to hide again behind the clouds. It began to snow, and the two men parted ways.

Inspiration

Tuesday, September 16 - The Spoon's Perspective

Spoons Have Feelings Too

    "Yo morning Bowl!"
    "Morning Spoon."
    This was how it went every single day. I awake in the dish washer, greet my good friend bowl and prepare to tackle another day of cereal. What kind was it going to be today? No clue but I love holding cereal so it doesn't matter.
    "So how about that storm last night?"
    "Dude for the last time that was the dish washer we don't go outside."
    "AAAAAH just wanking your chain." Bowl always enjoyed my clever humor.
    The door to the washing machine opened and as usual however when bowl was picked up I was not.
    "God finally I don't have to deal with that jerk spoon again good lord." I hear bowl say as he is carried away. I always enjoy his clever humor. The hand came back. "Oh phew I'm getting picked up now it was a mistake." I thought, however I could not have been more wrong. The door shut and I was left in the dark, with a bunch of sleeping silverware. If I had tear ducts I would have cried.

Tuesday, Spetember 9 - Film Review

Hugo Movie Review Even Though I Have Never Heard Of This Movie Before In My Life 

    Hugo was one of those movies that kind of looked dumb in the trailer because you see pretty much the whole movie in it, then you sit down and say "Wow this is dumb this is really the best they had?" The main character is really annoying and the side characters are under utilized and the world felt incoherent as a whole.

Monday, September 8 - America, Fairyville?

A Discussion On Fairies

    "Man I can't deal with this whole fairy business," the old mustached man said as he drank his morning coffee, a routine he did everyday while discussing the news with his acquaintance, "they shouldn't be allowing them to do this they aren't even real people." The other more skinny but just as old man lit his cigar.
    "Yeah they're too small and have wings they can't be people, the can't be citizens now we got them chiming in on our lives? What is this world coming to? First the fairies want to be people and now they want to vote? and work?"
    "And now they want to go to college too," the mustached man took a drink, "We don't need these fairies coming in and causing mischief in our community. Just the other day a fairy robbed a man walking down the street and stole his shoes! I swear the nerve of these creatures. Appalling."
    "We should all deport them and send them back to their magic fairy land."

    All day these men sat complaining about the fairies that have always been there, and always wanted their rights, but for some reason, this is the time where they are met with resistance instead of ignorance.

Friday, September - Aliens in Egypt

Tut and The Aliens 

    Things where the usual, boring sitting-around-with-hot-ladies-around-him-all-day day for King Tutankhamun. "Boy, it sure is boring around here." Tutankhamun said with a yawn, "Maybe today I can restore the honor of the Gods that my father had ruined. Maybe tomorrow." He looked up at the sky when he saw three huge flying saucers above him. His early Egyptian mind could barely handle the sight. His internal monologue freaked out. Did they hear me? Are they going to dethrone me? Are they going to take my hot girls that just sit around me all day away from me? Am I going to be poor? They were are all understandable and valid questions.
    The three saucers floated down into the court yard and ramps extended from them. Out stepped these beautiful aliens, with chiseled pecks and toned forearms and delectable thighs with awe inspiring long flowing blonde hair. "Dude Chad do you think this is the right place?" asked one of the aliens. "Yeah man this is where the directions told me." replied the other. "Hey lets go ask that kid" said another. The aliens sauntered up to Tut's throne. "Hey little man, my name is Chad, that's David, and that's Hooglestroff. We were wondering if this is the spot of the hottest party this side of Andromeda yeah man." Tut's jaw did push ups and his eyes did kart wheels. "Yo man I don't think this is place Chad." said Hooglestroff. "Alright well take care little dude." said Chad as they walked back into their saucers and flew away.
    This happening gave Tut the motivation to restore honor to the Gods, because to him, the beautiful Chad, David, and Hooglestroff trio of aliens were the Gods. He set off to make his decree known and to restore the God's honor in hopes to gaze upon their hunky toned bodies once again.

Thursday, September 4 - Historical Acuracy

J.R.

    The year was 1932. Towards the end of February. The early morning hours where going by per usual, the streets were crowded with men with suits that haven't been washed in as long as the men inside them. The Empire State building used to be a spectacle but the residents have gotten used to it and ignored it for the most part. However today there was something special that nobody could have ever foreseen. A sudden booming "WOP" filled the air shattering glass and busting ear drums. There it was, the UFO that changed the music industry for years to come.

    A loud speaker was protracted out of the side of the flying causer. "Dear humans," the loud speaker said, "we are here to rock your socks off with some sick music." The confusion was staggering. What did he mean by rock your socks off? Will it be disgusting do I have enough time to look away? Nobody knew. "It has been done, a child of a family far from here has been born of our musical race. You have approximately 20 years until your minds will be just blown. You will know when you hear the letters J and R."

    And just as fast as it came it left. Many freaked out, a little bit less committed suicide, but for the most part everyone was pretty startled.  Little did everyone know that there that day would be the birth of the musical Martian genius, J.R. Cash, also known as Johnny Cash.

Friday, August 29 - Two Moons

Bigfoot

    The team of scientists decided that there is no use in wandering why or how they got here when they should be finding land and shelter, so they searched for shores. After about an hour of swimming towards a shore they finally hit land. They kissed the ground the fell on. One of them noticed ginormous foot prints. They must have been five times larger than humans. They all had simultaneous thoughts of bigfoot, so they decided to follow the foot prints in search of shelter or a food supply.
     They walked and walked, keeping with Bigfoot's trail, as they found a banana tree on the shore. They all praised Bigfoot. "Thank you Bigfoot!" they said, "for leading us to this food!" They kept walking down the beach with the Bigfoot tracks, however it started to rain. They looked for Bigfoot's tracks to seek shelter but there were no more tracks, so they got drenched and one of them caught a cold.
    The next few months followed a pattern of them finding food and water by following bigfoot's tracks and them praising Bigfoot, however once the tracks stopped and there was nothing there for them, they cursed Bigfoot. Eventually there he was, eating some berries out of a bush.
   "Bigfoot!" they all cried out. This startled Bigfoot. "Why have your tracks stopped when we needed them most? Why do you lead us to somethings but when we need you the most you weren't there?" Bigfoot walked to the group of scientists, and kneeled. he opened his bearded mouth and said
    "EAUUGHCH"

Thurday, August 28 - Space 2199



Hank Drops The Ball

    "You really dropped the ball this time!" Nora screamed. Hank really did drop the ball this time, both literally and figuratively, as in he dropped a ball into the place that doesn't except balls or else it will explode taking that universe with it.
    "What do you mean Hank dropped the ball? Hank merely misplaced the ball by letting it go out Hank's hands and into the place where no balls should ever go!" yelled Hank back at Nora.
    "What are we going to do oh god oh man oh god oh man we're going to be poor!" Nora was upset, but it was okay to be upset knowing that the universe was going to end and you had to stop it because your partner was proud of his extreme screw up.
    "Well Hank is going to take a nap now." said Hank, and then Hank took a nap. Nora thought back to her training in science.
    "If you ever drop the ball in a place where no balls should be dropped, just go get it, just because you dropped a ball in there doesn't mean you can't go get it how dumb would that be."
     Her professor at space school was right, and she did just that, she went into the place where no balls should be dropped, and got the ball. Hank still napped, and Nora saved the universe and her job.

Wednesday, August 27 - Animal invention





Commercial For A Thing You Don't Need 

    Have you ever wanted to look like a complete smelly nerd in front of your friends? Well boy do I have an invention for you. Remember the fanny pack? How small it was and how it couldn't fit anything more than pencils or whatever people put in fanny packs? Well this is the one sure fix for all of your problems. Straight from the technology that the creatures of Australia where born with, comes the Supipouch. Look like an enormous loser in front of everyone who already thought you were a pretentious jerk with your large, noticeable, tacky pouch that hangs from your belt loops. Why carry a backpack when we can make you look like a complete loser and take your money at the same time and you not realize that you're a stupid big smelly nerd.

Tuesday, August 26 - Concert

 I am not happy with the state of the music industry

    I think that if I keep having to listen to the same song over and over again I'm going to be sick. The monotonous same four chords they keep using, G major, E minor, C major, D major, and back to G again and so on. I can't take it. I don't understand how you could write the same song over and over again without everyone getting sick of it. Oh that's right, it's because they keep using a wacky instrument to play a catchy melody for the hook. Is that a bassoon? All of these songs keep doing the same thing. Why does every singer have to sing the melody twice in the root and then once a fifth higher and then back down to the root.  I guess people will only stop beating this dead horse when it stops spitting out money.

 

                           "Be honest, this can’t be what you

                           wanted, if what you write about means anything to you. Rather than

                           pure vanity, people might connect with sincerity. Don’t just pray the
                           next generation learns from our mistakes. Let’s not repackage the same
                           old performance. Original content is so much more rewarding." -PTH

   

 

Monday, August 25 - Literary Characters



Modern Day Romeo and Juliet

If modern day Romeo and Juliet had occurred
everyone would chime in with a word
based on only what they heard.

Friday, August 22 - Wacky Words







Avocado Mitch and Avocado Clem

    And there the avocados were, sitting there in their avocado tree, dreaming of a galloping white stallion take them away.

    "Boy it sure is cloudy today." said Avocado Mitch. "Maybe today is the day, The Book of Gallop calls for a mighty cloudy day for the galloping white stallion to take us."
   
    "You're out of your mind!" said Avocado Clem. "The Book of Gallop obviously meant that the day was metaphorically cloudy, as in it would be a busy day. The galloping white stallion ain't gonna take us today."

    The two avocados sat there, having their avocado argument, in their avocado tree. The two avocado brothers waited and waited for the The Book of Gallop's galloping white horse to gallop up to their avocado tree, pick both of them off of their stems and gallop off with them in the white stallion's grasp. The stalemate continued until the avocado tree died and the two avocado brothers went with it. No galloping white horse came a galloping, to take the two avocado brothers.



Inspiration for Avocado Mitch and Avocado Clem

Thursday, August 21 - Mystery Lady



Maiden With Features Askew

Fair maiden with features askew,
May I ask you please, what do you do?
Do you sit there all night and day
thinking about what you'd might say
to whom who has drawn you this way

 

 

 

Wednesday, August 20 - Alter Ego

    Santa Clause

    It was a frozen quiet morning on the north pole. The birds would be chirping but it's too cold for birds on the north pole. There Santa Clause awoke, sprawled out on the bed in his plus sized pajamas and his unkempt beard. The elves were worried. Santa hasn't got out of bed since the doctor's visit, and moral was short on the elven toy making crew.

    Santa loved his cookies and milk, however all of the lack of nourishment and the extreme amount of fat intake has caused his body to become strained to even passively work. His cholesterol was through the roof and he had severe cases of heart disease, and diabetes that the world has never, or never wanted, to see before.

    Mrs. Clause was crying most of the day. She always said that Santa's obsession with cookies and milk would bring their marriage, and his life, to a cold end. She though about the old days, when they first met. How sweet Santa was and how passionate and young they were, but everything has never been the same once the toy factory went into business.

    The amount of stress that Santa's mind has had to go through would break any of the most determined man or woman, and the work load on his fat covered heart has cause several strokes and heart attacks, most of which near fatal.

   Now here he lays. I guess you could say it's Christmas magic that's been keeping him alive, or that his determination to bring children joy and wonderment. No one will ever know, not even the big man himself.

Tuesday, August 19 - Scariest place

  Disney World Is Pretty Spooky

   Disney world is a fantastical, spectacular place for people of al ages. During the day that is. During the day people are there, walking about filling the walk ways with their bodies and the silence with their noise. However once the sun sets and the park has been locked there is a much different tale to tell.

    The scale of this place is vast. It may not look it when it's crowded, but the people there make the place look so much smaller. There is so much empty space that is normally taken up by people that it's almost jarring. Buildings look bigger and paths look longer.

    There is something about the innocence in all of the decorations and characters in the park, especially the animatronics, they all look they should be warm breathing living beings who could spring up off of their feet and walk around, but they're all dead still.

    Some people attest that it's the loud noises, the sudden popping out of a horrifying creature, or the terrifying look of a beast that is the scariest. However once you've expected the worst, and yet nothing has happened, in dead silence, in dead stillness, that is where the true spooks come from.

Friday, August 15 - Kindergarten

The Kindergartener That Could Not Give Any Less Of A Hoot Than He Does Right Now 

    How much of a hoot did you give when you first went to kindergarten? Probably a considerable amount of a hoot. A 5 year old isn't distanced from their parents a lot of the time before then so it's understandable. However, Tommy over here could not give less of a hoot, heck, or dang.

    This kid was relaxed just all of the time, like if you screamed at him and then took your shirt off and ran around the room still screaming, this kid just wouldn't give a hoot. That's exactly what happened. Tyler, the most rebellious of the kindergarteners, took off his shirt and screamed at Tommy. Guess how much of a hoot Tommy gave? Tommy could not give a hoot.

    The teacher could not get this class of 5 year olds under control. It was pandemonium. So many kids are crying, too many kids are screaming, one kid has no shirt, and too many of them are giving too much of a hoot. "Settle down kids please! Get off the table! Put your shirt back on!" shouted Teach in vain. "Oh man I'm going to get fired and we're going to be poor oh man." the teacher thought in her head as most people do. Then she locked eyes with the one kid that could not give a bit of a hoot.

    "You child! Why don't you give a hoot?" the teacher franticly asked Tommy. The teacher's words fell on deaf ears, and Tommy didn't give a hoot. The glazed but almost content look of Tommy's baby face made the teacher reach an epiphany that she's better than this, that she deserves better. The teacher went on to make a billion dollars.

    Tommy's kindergarten class was out of a teacher, and all of the kids were still just freaking out, and it was only 5 minutes into class! Even during all of the pandemonium, there Tommy was, not giving a hoot, and day dreaming about Popsicles.

Thursday, August 14 - Gross

 

Pizza Can Be Pretty Bad

    In a place where there are way too many screaming kids, and not enough things to do, and horrifying animatronic singing mascots in the corner, there he was. He did not want to be there, he was far too old to enjoy any of it but there he was. His younger cousin is one year older and even though this cousin has matured, he is still young enough to enjoy the cesspool that is Chuck E. Cheese. At the time he was looking forward to it. "They have cherry Pepsi here and everyone else's looks good." he thought. He could have not been any more wrong.

    He hadn't eaten all day and his stomach started to gurgle, he didn't feel like getting up to look around for Turtles In Time and realize that that was made over 10 years ago and have probably replaced it. He just wanted a slice. There was an adorable Indian baby being held by an equally adorable man with his baby harness that allowed said baby to hang off of his chest. All of the commotion and sight seeing and horrifying robots that sang hilariously bad covers of unfitting pop songs had distracted him long enough for the cute blonde attendant to slip the pizza onto the table without him realizing.

   "I need to eat a slice." he thought as he reached for a piece of pizza and took a bite. All of the excitement turned into disgust when the pizza had been masticated and swallowed. Probably the worst pizza he has ever eaten. If he could rate it on a rating system based on colors and red was "yeah pretty good" and teal was "eh" he would rate it a golden brown, which stands for "Gross".

    It was at this moment, that he realized he was almost a grown man and could leave using the car he drove here with. He then went home and ate a left over burger which he would probably rate a sea foam green, which is "pretty gosh dang good".

Chuck E. Cheese is pretty bad.

Wednesday, August 13 - Animal

   

 

 Terry the Tapir

    The jungle today was glimmering with excitement when the news spread that Terry the Tapir was moving into the woods. Nobody before had met a tapir and it was exciting news that a new animal was diversifying the culture of the jungle more than it already is. As they all waited by the central tree for Terry to arrive, they all speculated on how the tapir would be.

    "I bet he is really cool! Maybe he likes bananas as much as me!" exclaimed Maury the Monkey. "I can finally start my banana fan club now that there might be more than one member!"

    "Don't be ridiculous Maury," roared Larry the Lion, "he is obviously a more civilized man interested in intelligent discussion. I would bet that he enjoys literature, or perhaps politics." Larry was a snood. Nobody likes a snood.

    "I bet Terry would enjoy jazz music." said Perry the Porcupine. "Man it's going to be so tight just chilling with Terry."

    "Do you guys want some Slurpies? I made them myself." said Berry the Boar. Berry was special, and didn't know what he was doing.

    The sun was getting low but the animals were still excited, still quarrelling on who the tapir will hang out with and what he might enjoy. Soon tiny but pronounced foot prints echoed past the tree line.  "He's here!" everyone yelled in excitement. Terry was here! Everyone welcomed him with a traditional jungle "Howdy!".

    "HEUAEAYA" squealed Terry, because animals can't talk.

Tapir are silly.