Friday, August 29 - Two Moons

Bigfoot

    The team of scientists decided that there is no use in wandering why or how they got here when they should be finding land and shelter, so they searched for shores. After about an hour of swimming towards a shore they finally hit land. They kissed the ground the fell on. One of them noticed ginormous foot prints. They must have been five times larger than humans. They all had simultaneous thoughts of bigfoot, so they decided to follow the foot prints in search of shelter or a food supply.
     They walked and walked, keeping with Bigfoot's trail, as they found a banana tree on the shore. They all praised Bigfoot. "Thank you Bigfoot!" they said, "for leading us to this food!" They kept walking down the beach with the Bigfoot tracks, however it started to rain. They looked for Bigfoot's tracks to seek shelter but there were no more tracks, so they got drenched and one of them caught a cold.
    The next few months followed a pattern of them finding food and water by following bigfoot's tracks and them praising Bigfoot, however once the tracks stopped and there was nothing there for them, they cursed Bigfoot. Eventually there he was, eating some berries out of a bush.
   "Bigfoot!" they all cried out. This startled Bigfoot. "Why have your tracks stopped when we needed them most? Why do you lead us to somethings but when we need you the most you weren't there?" Bigfoot walked to the group of scientists, and kneeled. he opened his bearded mouth and said
    "EAUUGHCH"

Thurday, August 28 - Space 2199



Hank Drops The Ball

    "You really dropped the ball this time!" Nora screamed. Hank really did drop the ball this time, both literally and figuratively, as in he dropped a ball into the place that doesn't except balls or else it will explode taking that universe with it.
    "What do you mean Hank dropped the ball? Hank merely misplaced the ball by letting it go out Hank's hands and into the place where no balls should ever go!" yelled Hank back at Nora.
    "What are we going to do oh god oh man oh god oh man we're going to be poor!" Nora was upset, but it was okay to be upset knowing that the universe was going to end and you had to stop it because your partner was proud of his extreme screw up.
    "Well Hank is going to take a nap now." said Hank, and then Hank took a nap. Nora thought back to her training in science.
    "If you ever drop the ball in a place where no balls should be dropped, just go get it, just because you dropped a ball in there doesn't mean you can't go get it how dumb would that be."
     Her professor at space school was right, and she did just that, she went into the place where no balls should be dropped, and got the ball. Hank still napped, and Nora saved the universe and her job.

Wednesday, August 27 - Animal invention





Commercial For A Thing You Don't Need 

    Have you ever wanted to look like a complete smelly nerd in front of your friends? Well boy do I have an invention for you. Remember the fanny pack? How small it was and how it couldn't fit anything more than pencils or whatever people put in fanny packs? Well this is the one sure fix for all of your problems. Straight from the technology that the creatures of Australia where born with, comes the Supipouch. Look like an enormous loser in front of everyone who already thought you were a pretentious jerk with your large, noticeable, tacky pouch that hangs from your belt loops. Why carry a backpack when we can make you look like a complete loser and take your money at the same time and you not realize that you're a stupid big smelly nerd.

Tuesday, August 26 - Concert

 I am not happy with the state of the music industry

    I think that if I keep having to listen to the same song over and over again I'm going to be sick. The monotonous same four chords they keep using, G major, E minor, C major, D major, and back to G again and so on. I can't take it. I don't understand how you could write the same song over and over again without everyone getting sick of it. Oh that's right, it's because they keep using a wacky instrument to play a catchy melody for the hook. Is that a bassoon? All of these songs keep doing the same thing. Why does every singer have to sing the melody twice in the root and then once a fifth higher and then back down to the root.  I guess people will only stop beating this dead horse when it stops spitting out money.

 

                           "Be honest, this can’t be what you

                           wanted, if what you write about means anything to you. Rather than

                           pure vanity, people might connect with sincerity. Don’t just pray the
                           next generation learns from our mistakes. Let’s not repackage the same
                           old performance. Original content is so much more rewarding." -PTH

   

 

Monday, August 25 - Literary Characters



Modern Day Romeo and Juliet

If modern day Romeo and Juliet had occurred
everyone would chime in with a word
based on only what they heard.

Friday, August 22 - Wacky Words







Avocado Mitch and Avocado Clem

    And there the avocados were, sitting there in their avocado tree, dreaming of a galloping white stallion take them away.

    "Boy it sure is cloudy today." said Avocado Mitch. "Maybe today is the day, The Book of Gallop calls for a mighty cloudy day for the galloping white stallion to take us."
   
    "You're out of your mind!" said Avocado Clem. "The Book of Gallop obviously meant that the day was metaphorically cloudy, as in it would be a busy day. The galloping white stallion ain't gonna take us today."

    The two avocados sat there, having their avocado argument, in their avocado tree. The two avocado brothers waited and waited for the The Book of Gallop's galloping white horse to gallop up to their avocado tree, pick both of them off of their stems and gallop off with them in the white stallion's grasp. The stalemate continued until the avocado tree died and the two avocado brothers went with it. No galloping white horse came a galloping, to take the two avocado brothers.



Inspiration for Avocado Mitch and Avocado Clem

Thursday, August 21 - Mystery Lady



Maiden With Features Askew

Fair maiden with features askew,
May I ask you please, what do you do?
Do you sit there all night and day
thinking about what you'd might say
to whom who has drawn you this way

 

 

 

Wednesday, August 20 - Alter Ego

    Santa Clause

    It was a frozen quiet morning on the north pole. The birds would be chirping but it's too cold for birds on the north pole. There Santa Clause awoke, sprawled out on the bed in his plus sized pajamas and his unkempt beard. The elves were worried. Santa hasn't got out of bed since the doctor's visit, and moral was short on the elven toy making crew.

    Santa loved his cookies and milk, however all of the lack of nourishment and the extreme amount of fat intake has caused his body to become strained to even passively work. His cholesterol was through the roof and he had severe cases of heart disease, and diabetes that the world has never, or never wanted, to see before.

    Mrs. Clause was crying most of the day. She always said that Santa's obsession with cookies and milk would bring their marriage, and his life, to a cold end. She though about the old days, when they first met. How sweet Santa was and how passionate and young they were, but everything has never been the same once the toy factory went into business.

    The amount of stress that Santa's mind has had to go through would break any of the most determined man or woman, and the work load on his fat covered heart has cause several strokes and heart attacks, most of which near fatal.

   Now here he lays. I guess you could say it's Christmas magic that's been keeping him alive, or that his determination to bring children joy and wonderment. No one will ever know, not even the big man himself.

Tuesday, August 19 - Scariest place

  Disney World Is Pretty Spooky

   Disney world is a fantastical, spectacular place for people of al ages. During the day that is. During the day people are there, walking about filling the walk ways with their bodies and the silence with their noise. However once the sun sets and the park has been locked there is a much different tale to tell.

    The scale of this place is vast. It may not look it when it's crowded, but the people there make the place look so much smaller. There is so much empty space that is normally taken up by people that it's almost jarring. Buildings look bigger and paths look longer.

    There is something about the innocence in all of the decorations and characters in the park, especially the animatronics, they all look they should be warm breathing living beings who could spring up off of their feet and walk around, but they're all dead still.

    Some people attest that it's the loud noises, the sudden popping out of a horrifying creature, or the terrifying look of a beast that is the scariest. However once you've expected the worst, and yet nothing has happened, in dead silence, in dead stillness, that is where the true spooks come from.

Friday, August 15 - Kindergarten

The Kindergartener That Could Not Give Any Less Of A Hoot Than He Does Right Now 

    How much of a hoot did you give when you first went to kindergarten? Probably a considerable amount of a hoot. A 5 year old isn't distanced from their parents a lot of the time before then so it's understandable. However, Tommy over here could not give less of a hoot, heck, or dang.

    This kid was relaxed just all of the time, like if you screamed at him and then took your shirt off and ran around the room still screaming, this kid just wouldn't give a hoot. That's exactly what happened. Tyler, the most rebellious of the kindergarteners, took off his shirt and screamed at Tommy. Guess how much of a hoot Tommy gave? Tommy could not give a hoot.

    The teacher could not get this class of 5 year olds under control. It was pandemonium. So many kids are crying, too many kids are screaming, one kid has no shirt, and too many of them are giving too much of a hoot. "Settle down kids please! Get off the table! Put your shirt back on!" shouted Teach in vain. "Oh man I'm going to get fired and we're going to be poor oh man." the teacher thought in her head as most people do. Then she locked eyes with the one kid that could not give a bit of a hoot.

    "You child! Why don't you give a hoot?" the teacher franticly asked Tommy. The teacher's words fell on deaf ears, and Tommy didn't give a hoot. The glazed but almost content look of Tommy's baby face made the teacher reach an epiphany that she's better than this, that she deserves better. The teacher went on to make a billion dollars.

    Tommy's kindergarten class was out of a teacher, and all of the kids were still just freaking out, and it was only 5 minutes into class! Even during all of the pandemonium, there Tommy was, not giving a hoot, and day dreaming about Popsicles.

Thursday, August 14 - Gross

 

Pizza Can Be Pretty Bad

    In a place where there are way too many screaming kids, and not enough things to do, and horrifying animatronic singing mascots in the corner, there he was. He did not want to be there, he was far too old to enjoy any of it but there he was. His younger cousin is one year older and even though this cousin has matured, he is still young enough to enjoy the cesspool that is Chuck E. Cheese. At the time he was looking forward to it. "They have cherry Pepsi here and everyone else's looks good." he thought. He could have not been any more wrong.

    He hadn't eaten all day and his stomach started to gurgle, he didn't feel like getting up to look around for Turtles In Time and realize that that was made over 10 years ago and have probably replaced it. He just wanted a slice. There was an adorable Indian baby being held by an equally adorable man with his baby harness that allowed said baby to hang off of his chest. All of the commotion and sight seeing and horrifying robots that sang hilariously bad covers of unfitting pop songs had distracted him long enough for the cute blonde attendant to slip the pizza onto the table without him realizing.

   "I need to eat a slice." he thought as he reached for a piece of pizza and took a bite. All of the excitement turned into disgust when the pizza had been masticated and swallowed. Probably the worst pizza he has ever eaten. If he could rate it on a rating system based on colors and red was "yeah pretty good" and teal was "eh" he would rate it a golden brown, which stands for "Gross".

    It was at this moment, that he realized he was almost a grown man and could leave using the car he drove here with. He then went home and ate a left over burger which he would probably rate a sea foam green, which is "pretty gosh dang good".

Chuck E. Cheese is pretty bad.

Wednesday, August 13 - Animal

   

 

 Terry the Tapir

    The jungle today was glimmering with excitement when the news spread that Terry the Tapir was moving into the woods. Nobody before had met a tapir and it was exciting news that a new animal was diversifying the culture of the jungle more than it already is. As they all waited by the central tree for Terry to arrive, they all speculated on how the tapir would be.

    "I bet he is really cool! Maybe he likes bananas as much as me!" exclaimed Maury the Monkey. "I can finally start my banana fan club now that there might be more than one member!"

    "Don't be ridiculous Maury," roared Larry the Lion, "he is obviously a more civilized man interested in intelligent discussion. I would bet that he enjoys literature, or perhaps politics." Larry was a snood. Nobody likes a snood.

    "I bet Terry would enjoy jazz music." said Perry the Porcupine. "Man it's going to be so tight just chilling with Terry."

    "Do you guys want some Slurpies? I made them myself." said Berry the Boar. Berry was special, and didn't know what he was doing.

    The sun was getting low but the animals were still excited, still quarrelling on who the tapir will hang out with and what he might enjoy. Soon tiny but pronounced foot prints echoed past the tree line.  "He's here!" everyone yelled in excitement. Terry was here! Everyone welcomed him with a traditional jungle "Howdy!".

    "HEUAEAYA" squealed Terry, because animals can't talk.

Tapir are silly.